She did not have the benefit of a bedroom door for the last two years of high school.
Without the bedroom door, the client changed her clothes in the bathroom and was often unable to sleep at night because of her father's snoring. The first time her mother confronted her for being wide awake (and reading) in her room in the middle of the night, the client admitted that her father's snoring kept her awake. A few minutes later, her father entered her room and whipped her with the belt for "being disrespectful."
After discovering that alcohol allowed her to fall asleep and sleep through the night, she began drinking vodka at bedtime, which she chose because it was odorless and easy to hide in alternative containers in her room and among the cleaning supplies in the bathroom cabinet.
The client has always recalled the details of her childhood physical and emotional abuse, but until recently, never remembered or even suspected ever having been sexually abused by her father. On the day that her oldest daughter asked for assistance in connection with her first menses, the client entered the bathroom and began to render assistance when she experienced a vivid spontaneous recollection of what she now believes was the last time her father abused her sexually. On that occasion, her father had entered her bed after she was asleep and attempted to penetrate her vaginally with his fingers. She recalls pretending to be asleep and that when her father encountered her tampon, he withdrew his hand and left her bed.
In the first day after that recollection, the client began spontaneously recalling the entire history of her father's sexual abuse which apparently began when she was approximately 10, continuing until the day that her father discovered that she had begun menstruating, after which he simply stopped. During that time, she had learned to feign sleep whenever her father entered her bed.
During her freshman year of college, she was befriended by two upper-class students two years her senior within the first week of school. One of them offered to assist her carrying boxes and luggage from her first dormitory assignment when a single room opened up to her shortly after arriving on campus. Once alone in the room he initiated a sexual advance which she did not desire, but which she felt powerless to resist, freezing" in one of the classic responses of chronic sexual abuse victims (Graziano
1992) and in the same manner that she now recalls doing whenever subjected to her father's sexual abuse.
While she did not reciprocate the student's advances, she did not react when he continued and the encounter culminated with intercourse. It was her first sexual experience. The scenario repeated itself throughout the first month of college and the client recalls "freezing" the same way every time in addition to focusing on a particular light bulb hanging from the ceiling whenever her classmate initiated subsequent encounters. She began avoiding the student but the scenario continued to repeat itself when he began showing up to her room unannounced. On one occasion, he was accompanied by one of the others from the group that had befriended her earlier and both students began participating in the encounters while she continued to freeze for the duration, mainly detaching from her bodily perceptions and staring at the light bulb.
When no complaints or other repercussions resulted from these encounters, all four members of the group began showing up at her door late at night, in various combinations, but usually in pairs. This situation persisted for two full years until all four graduated. Despite the fact that the sexual aspect of these encounters were not forced, they were not consensual either, although she recalls experiencing tremendous shame throughout for allowing four different men to have sexual relations with her.
Initially, the client was relieved when none of the four men were on campus when she returned for her junior year, she recalls also feeling abandoned and she eventually began engaging in sexual affairs with relative strangers that she initiated.
Typically, the men she selected for these affairs had demonstrated rudeness and obvious potential for abusive conduct. Just as typically, they sought to continue more of a relationship, but she resisted those efforts, preferring to limit her relationships strictly to their sexual component. The most common course of those relationships was for her to begin freezing instead of responding to them sexually, in response to which some of the men she dated became frustrated and abandoned her.
Several times, her freezing resulted in intercourse in the same manner as it had with the upperclassmen, but the relationship ended after one or two such consummations.
On two occasions, her sexual partners managed to ingratiate themselves...
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